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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
A 60 year old rancher friend of mine has a ranch between Amarillo and Lubbock. He moved there about 10
or 12 years ago from Oregon, where I met him over 30 years ago. He and I did some rodeo together in the
mid 1970's. He wrote the following letter to me and I couldn't give him an answer. I got his permission to post it here. I've removed all the names.
Is This Texan Gay?
Local Fella, divorced, 20 years my junior. Seems to avoid women who chase him. Has a boy raised and a very young 5 year old orphan who he's raising whose Local parents died in a car crash. Ultra Conservative, Pentacostal church going, doesn't cuss or smoke. Ultra HOT. Homophobic. Does occasional hired-hand work around my place when needed. Pretty easy to see he's STRAIGHT, right?
BUT wait! here's the rest of the story:
If I don't telephone him, he telephones every evening to talk his day through. I usually allow him to phone. He relays any local gossip, makes sure I'm doing OK and eating, etc. He relates his most (non-sexual) private feelings and personal info. He was wild when young, drinking and carousing.
Neighboring ranchers all remember his "wild" history, but it was before my time. He keeps me better informed of his life than any lover I have ever lived with. He even tells me his plans for the next day.
Well about a month ago I was asked to invite him and2 other local couples to a Barn Dance party for a young straight rancher fella I know further out in the sticks. His wife was throwing him a Birthday party. I invited my buddy and he begged off. I threw into the pickup bed a Couple of cases of iced long necks in a cooler, plus a quart of JD for the birthdayboy. I then guided the2 other couples who had driven out from town to the party place in a pickup truck caravan.
Most guests were in their mid to late 30's. A mix of couples and singles, all straight. Probably 40 people total. Live rock music, 4 wheelers to ride, BBQ, etc. About 30 minutes after I got there up the long drive comes a late model 1 ton 4x4 PU. I didn't recognise it. As it drove to me I recognized my buddy in his seldome seen go-to-town truck. He was all scrubbed up and spiffed down. His wranglers were not only clean, but ironed with a nice sharp crease down each leg! (I've never seen him wear anything that was ironed). His boots were polished!
He grabbed a long neck from my cooler and I proceeded to walk him around and introduced him to probably 60% of the people there. A few he knew, a few were new local ranch owners as severial have changed hands recently, and a bunch were from Dallas and even as far away as Houston. They were all about my buddy's age and included some single gals. After my introductions I migrated back to my PU, and chatted with a couple of other cowboys that were getting a tad too close to my cooler. Within a few minutes my buddy was leaning up against my truck bed and at my side. At some point some girl was trying to put the make on my buddy, trying to drag him to the barn to dance. So I meandered to a fire pit, found a log and was chatting with a very high but not drunk son of a local rancher. Within10 minutes my buddy was sitting next to me,6 inches apart, and talking about how pretty the stars were. When my beer finished, he jumped up and got me and him another...continued that way until passed midnight. At some point after he had carried another load of firewood for the pit I had to tell him to keep his jeans on, he was getting ready to drop them so I could check him for ticks!
I finally told him it was late and I was heading home. He jumped up, hurried around and said his good byes. Got into his PU before I got into mine. He headed down the drive way, then stopped halfway. When I left he drove in front of me at a slow but near normal speed for the gravel roads, as if for me to follow. I did follow, but at his turn off, I did not turn, and continued on towards my place.
The next day I got a call from the birthboy's wife. Wanting to make sure I got home. She also asked if I "got any" and I pretended to not know what she was alluding to. She replied "well it was pretty obvious you had a beau last night."
So the next few weeks go normal again, a call most every night either from, me or from him. Then about a week ago he says that he has given it some thought and if I continue to press him he will go ahead and watch Brokeback Mountain with me. Hell I only asked him once about 3 months ago!
Then last Wednesday I don't hear from him, so I call. He answers all rushed, and says he can't talk, he has family visiting for the 4th. So no biggie, I resolve myself to a few days of peace and quiet. Then yesterday (the 5th) around 4 in the afternoon he telephones me! He says he's doing dishes, and the relatives are all outside shootin off firecrackers and such. Says he was standing there and thinking about me and just wanted to call. I tell him on the 4th I went to a neighbors place and they were all drunk. I had1 beer and left. Told him I didn't feel like getting drunk and felt out of [place being sober. He replied: "I know what you mean. I don't drink hardly at all any more, but I wouldn't mind getting drunk with you again." "My famlly will be gone near Monday. I'll come by next week."
So, I'm getting some real mixed signals, is this Texan gay or what? I'd come all over his boots if he'd let me.
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
Sounds like Ennis delMar. Seriously, I would find a way to get a beer or2 down him and also a walk into your pasture. Someplace with ticks. Then when you get back to the ranch house you can have a real excuse to check him for ticks. If he gets hard you will also know if he's willin.
SiouxCityBoy |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
wow sounds like he is giving you mixed signals. But to me it sounds like he is very very curious and has chosen you to experiment with. |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
Good grief, what more does he have to do,send smoke signals? Of course he's curious and in a bad way. Either take him up, or let the poor man know you're not interested. I agree with other gents, a couple of drinks might help. At least he can always blame the booze no matter what happens. |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
I've received an email and will UPDATE the ORIGINAL POST with this NEW INFORMATION here: ... ... UPDATE: , Dear SSB, Yesterday I had been expecting the young fella to drop by and mend some fencing. He did not show. He telephoned me around4 pm and said he was still working on another spread up North of here and probably wouldn't get back home until near 8 pm. He was sorry he would not be able to pick-up a package I had got for him at the Post Office, nor a promised quart of potato salad I had set aside for him. (my great grandma's8een7ty Texas recipe- kind of famous around here). I offered to drive it down to his place when he got home. Well around9 PM he called. Simply said he had just gotten home and would turn on the porch light so I see his place easier from the distance as I approached. When I got there he had a fire going in his barbeque and a cold6 pack of long necks on the picnick table. Took until around10 pm for me to get there. His2 kids were not in sight. I asked about them and he had taken them to a friends house to spend the night. ... We ate the steak, a good marinated sirloin. He ate the potato salad and remarked it had a good manly flavor ( I guess ggrandma was manly on her cattle drives!). We listened to Willie Nelsons "Cowboys are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other" on my truck CD. About3-quarters through he walked away and remarked "Glad Im not much of a Cowboy" (shit he rides horse on spring round-up). Then he said that Texas has lots of "gays" (didn't use the word Queer). and that even there are some in rural Texas. Then he changed the subject by getting me another beer. Most of the rest of the time was spent talking about the economy and possible bank failures. I drove back to my spread around1 am. Could he maybe think that I am straight and be afraid to make a move? --Tex |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
Here is MY respones: ... Yes he is conservative, church going and GAY or at least bi-sexual. BUT I think if he were Bi he would also be more accepting of the women who make advances. Maybe he is full of guilt...his up-bringing could account for a lot of that. I suggest you find a good time in the next week or so and tell him you have had sex with women and you have had sex with men and that as far as you are concerned the sex between you and men was the best sex you have ever had. Then go get him a beer. Then hope to heck he doesn't turn and run.
SiouxCityBoy |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
I got an up-date from Jerry in Texas. Seems he acknowledged his affection for the younger fella and also that he was bi. The yopunger said something to the effect "you mean you're Gay?" and then Jerry acknowledged it. The younger said "I'm not" and he hasn't been back nor has he telephoned. It's been 6 weeks. Guess our collective hunches were wrong.
SSB
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
Having grown up on ranches with dozens of other cowboy I hate to tell you guys but what I see is an insecure and shy man that needs a good friend. I'm not saying the possibility of a sexual encounter could happen at some point. I know it's hard, no pun intented, to read into situations. Realize haveing sex could very easily end your friendship "after the fact". I've seen that happen too. As for spiffing up the truck and himself the the party, that is normal for real cowboys. When my Dad went out, as with every cowboy I even new, you always wash up the truck; you always iron your jeans and shirt and look the best you can. Just because he doesn't seem to gravitate the the women doesn't make1 gay. He could have be hurt very badly and he is fearful of starting anything. I beleive you said at some point about his belief system. If so, he knows sex before marriage is his teaching and unfortunately most people are always out for a piece of tail, so when the women "chase after him" scares him away. I'm that way with anyone that chases after me; it scares the heck out of me. So if you want to know, and it's that important to you, go along with some of the suggestions but always be aware it could permanently ruin a friendship, even if he wants a gay experience or you could become so close, Bareback Mtn's cover paper couldn't fit between you2. Either way, it your choice to make. - T |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
this is a guy who hasnt treaded through the same water as you and i have. hes figured you out and likes you alot. he still haveing trouble finding his way. i suspect if you dont push him he might find his own way to you. give him some more time. let him know who you are and where you stand. you can tell him how you feel and also let him know that you would never make the 1st move. leave it up to him. if he takes the bait you get him. |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
I agree... I think he is just a really lonely guy tired of other peoples bullshit. It's clear he sees you as a confidant and a friend and is curious about exploring things with you.
Most gays don't seem to get this right (like most straight guys) they think sex first everything else next. Some guys (gay and straight) although not many, are more feminine in this regard, and instead find a close emotionally supportive friend can blur the lines and the NOTION of intimacy leads to sexual curiosity.
I agree with the last post, show your hand, tell him where you stand, and that you're not a 1st move kinda guy. That you really like him as a friend and if he wants to explore more, its ok by you. If he keeps calling and being more receptive, you know he's ok with it but just moves real slow. Don't rush him. Let him have his space to figure things out. sounds like he's treading over some pretty heady past programming to try to even reach that far. But in my experience, don't be surprised when somewhere down the road, he suddenly finds the girl of his dreams and transfers all that excitement onto her and disappears for a while. Those types always come back... they're evoloving. The man is in love with you, straight or gay, its obvious... doesn't always mean lots of passionate sex... he just is in love with you... I sometimes fall in love with some of my girlfriends, enough that I sleep (nonsexually) with them, make out with them when drunk, and sometimes give near nude massage... wouldn't have sex with them though... and I know it frustrates them, and we talk and make jokes about it... when they're really horny I help them get laid... :)
It's just part of the human condition when you get past the social conditioning bullshit. People who are honest loving people will fall in love with other people who they like if the relationship becomes intimate. Whether or not you're wired to aroused by a person sexually... well that's another story. Sometimes people just want to explore intimacy in non-threatening ways, and don't want to jeopardize a friendship. In some ways, all these labels we're using, like straight and gay are just making the rivers between us even bigger and harder to cross. That's my2 cents... good luck, have fun, sounds like a real nice guy to hang out with anyways... |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
A friend of mine has been in love with his co-worker for a couple of years now. The other guy is married and has2 kids and knew my friend was gay (my friend was not shy about excluding any details of his dating life with the co-worker) and that he found the co-worker very attractive. I hadn't seen my friend for a couple of months and finally ran into him in the bar the other night. Turns out the co-worker (nervously) confessed his love for my friend a month ago and the2 are now seeing each other when they can (the man told his wife he's gay but still lives with her and {rightly} spends the majority of his weekend with his children). It'll be a long road for my friend and his co-worker but tell your rancher friend there's hope, to hang in there and maybe the younger guy just needs a little more time to fess up to himself about his true feelings. |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
My raising was the same as the younger fella, I was too raised Pentecostal. It leaves yo with strong morals and Values that are difficult to penetrate. No pun... I do think though that the younger fella is certainly emotionally attatched to the rancher. Sounds like the kind of thing that could have been a real sceret and been beautiful. Only if... The Lable "gay" had not been revealed. I too aree, with the other Gents. Stasnd your ground and Stay true and PROUD of who you are, and dont make him feel you are a threat to him or his beliefs, and just mabe he will come around. What ever you do dont challenge or disrespect his church or beliefs. That could be the line in the sand, for both of you. As we know "REAL MEN LOVE JESUS"!!! Respect will always get you extra points...Good luck to you, hope all turns out Happy... |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
I have vbeen thinking about your story over night and I think, your young friend may be just waiting for you to chase him. You never know just what might happen if you make the first move. Don't just sit there like a bump on a pickle! Swallow you pride and take a chance...Hope all turns out well. |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
The man is gay. You should have checked him for ticks when you had the chance. He got scared when you told him you were gay. "Strait" men don't have sex with "gay" men. He might be back and he might not be back. The last thing I would do, is chase him. Might not have a good ending. |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
RedNeck:
I agree with what you said. I have heard from Jerry, via a phone call, and have told him essentially what you said. From Jerry I do understand they are having an occasional rather formal, but friendly, telephone conversation. No longer once a night, now maybe once a month. I told jerry to cool his spurs, and to NOT send a X-Mas gift! He was inclind to do that, dumb shit. I did tell him to go get a simple "Leanin-Tree" style Cowboy Christmas card, and to simply sign the inside, and to not add any thing other than what was written by the card co. That he should send it the first week of December. That way if his buddy wanted to respond he would have sufficient time. I also told him to mail the card and not to drive by and drop it in the RR Box, as that could make him look like a stalker. I also think he may have lost his chance last tick season. |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
Sounds like you have good reason to wonder. And if I were a wagering fool, I;d bet on the left side if you know what I mean. Some folks are never quite sure and wait too long in their lives to find the answers. If you broach the subject, the worst thing would be excommunication, and in this situation, it seems worth the risk. Just my2 cents worth. I know I waited a lifetime for the right fella, and now I don't really care who knows. Damn em' all if they can't handle it. ;) |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
Having cowboyed for a number of yrs myself, most of my life infact, Cowboyfur, you are dead to the nails right. I need not add more to this. |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
Ask him if he is gay!3
things will happen. A)He will
kick your..lol B)He will tell
EVERYONE and out you and never speak to you again..or
C)You could get lucky...but there is always D)The psycho
girlfriend you don't know about could boil your pet rabbitt in a pot in the kitchen..but E)That's a movie ..lol |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
My best guess: the guy's just a lonely dude looking for acceptance and friendship. His apparent lack of sexual experience could mean he's got self-esteem issues. He might be a closeted gay, or he might not. Hard to say. If you hit on him, he might bolt out of habit, even if he is trying, in a passive way, to seek a sexual relationship as well as companionship. For the record, his religious preference isn't necessarily relevant, especially if you believe homos are born that way. Good luck! |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
Remember..as the song goes..."Cowboys are secretly fond of each other" |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
I would like to add some thing in here if I may, these last2 gental men cowboys are rite let him come to you it like a horse you can lead him to water but you cant make him drink I was in the same spot as your freind I knew this guy we talked an were verry close long story short when he aporched me an asked if I were gay or courious about him he sorta skared me I wish now I had acepted his offer he is now with another person so for me its my lost an his gain. |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
I would like to add some thing in here if I may, these last2 gental men cowboys are rite let him come to you it like a horse you can lead him to water but you cant make him drink I was in the same spot as your freind I knew this guy we talked an were verry close long story short when he aporched me an asked if I were gay or courious about him he sorta skared me I wish now I had acepted his offer he is now with another person so for me its my lost an his gain. |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
Reading this letter, I'm much grieving all the night that i spend on wade through it.
according my expericement,1 manly straight who can accept a gay's affection, often is a most positative, active, and most cool man. Because of he needs comprehension of a man to set his sporot free much more importantly than to set his body free with a lady. Here, I met many real ranch cowboy that I've never seen in my dream.
I found myself a gay on my 8teenth year when i was 8teen years old, though2 years before that time i had made the first love with my friends who was learning in high secondary school together. Then in the year of 19teen97th, about10 years after meeting him, i just understand the story of dick cum bottom of a man.
I've 8 boy friends who had been tightly haunted by me early or late. Because I'm cruising to and studying or working everywhere i could get in China, such as the acient capital of Xi'an where I graduated on Information Engeering subject and learned stardard Chinese spoken language, Tibet where I learned Tibetian lauguage for1 year, Gongdong Provience that is near to Hongkong there I learning Yue patois for4 years, and SiChuan province to live and learn Sichuan patois until now. They are most all straight beside1 gay who was living and making together with me for more than2 years and a half, due to the years without internet to chat and find gays group before 2000th, and I hardly success to get the second gay friend who makes a long-time love with me after 2000th since my only gay buddy who left me alone, going another city for postgraduate study after his2 years' work expericement.
Now,I'm already in my mid-age of 36. I swear to learn1 or more foreign languages well on account of it's a way for1 Chinese to get a visa to go abroad, in order to go somewhere abroad I can feel a new free-will life and get a new boy friend to marry me.LOL........
As a local Chinese, My English is pretty poor in Expressing my feeling and receiving others', and in talking about sex. I could speak english in normal sence, since I've been doing interpret work for a Norwagian friend who works on teaching oral English to the Students even kindgarton kids in China. But I've never heard1 word on feeling other than "glad,sad" or "shit,piss". well i'm doing hard at affection and erotic idiom.
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
I got this email from Jerry/Tex this morning.:
SSB,
A quick update. I been laying low like you suggested. Most of this winter I made a point of only calling him once or maybe twice every 6 weeks. I did buy him a Christmas Gift, a yeller Carhartt Duck Chore Coat (Blanket Lined). It was on sale and not too expensive. I let him call me and then told him I had the gift under the tree. He came down the next day at noon. I made sure he knew I had found it in sale. He brought me2 packages of frozen porterhouse steaks from a steer he had butchered last fall. He hung around for about 15 minutes doing small talk and then said he had to hurry on or he would be late for lunch someone was fixin him. I didn't ask who. Since then he has called me once or twice a week. Usually once, seldom twice. Sometimes in the middle of the day and other times at night, after 8 pm. He always starts off Jerry! I been thinking about you, how you doing? You OK? He always had something to talk about, usually some incident or happening from his life. Like when he got chased by a mad cow or about his truck's battery going dead when out somewhere frozen. Lately more about how many cows are calving. Last night he told me that coons or foxes had gotten into his chicken coop and taken all the chickens. After we've said our good byes, he usually gets in a few last words, you know you can call me any time you want. I have discussed that I am going to make a vegetable garden this Spring. The store bought prices are just too danged high. He arranged for a neighbor that has a tiller attachment to come in a few weeks and till me a plot. He also said he would bring a big round bale to use as heavy mulch so the ground don't dry out too much when the weather gets hot. He did ask me once this last winter if I had ever been to a gay rodeo. I lied and said nope. He hasn't mentioned the subject since. I yearn for him but I am doing my best to keep it so he has to chase instead of me. I sure as shit don't want to scare him off again. I expect if I got started plants ready to set out when he gets here with the hay mulch he will also help me plant the garden, if not no biggie, but it might be a nice way for us to talk while working together. SSB, I'll talk to you later. -- John |
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Is This Texan Straight or Gay?
Think you are doing the right thing by laying low. Maybe be a bit friendlier/little hard to get? Sounds like he is doing the chasing now. Which is a good thing. You might have to wait longer than you would like, but he is going to have to feel comfortable before making any moves. Tough1 to call about answering him when asked if you had ever been to a gay rodeo before. Straight guys don't ask gay guys about going to gay rodeo's, unless they want to go to the next1 with you? Since you know the guy, you probably gave the best answer for the situation. But, I think it was another chance to talk to you about being gay. Similar to the time he wanted you to check him for ticks. My money is still on the guy being gay. |
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